• Gladys Olivia Murray

More Than Enough


When I wrote "Enough", I was inspired by one of my mentors who shared a similar writing exercise with me. She literally put her heart on paper, so I was curious to know what I would produce if I did the same thing.

Often times, people equate having it all together on the outside to having it all together on the inside. But my mission is not to show you who you see, it's to show you who I am. So I speak on behalf of all of the girls who hear “you’re beautiful” but don’t always believe it. And I speak on behalf of the girls that people think everyone wants, who don't always feel wanted. And the girls who haven’t received half the love they’ve so foolishly given out. And I speak on behalf of the girls who didn't always believe that they were enough. This isn't my story; it's ours.

Being let down by the one you love can feel like a form of rejection. And it can make you over analyze your own characteristics and qualities—the tangible and intangible. All in an effort to find the answer to that burning question: “Why wasn’t I enough?” After such emotionally draining relationships, I went a long time without entertaining anyone at all. In the beginning, it was because I knew it would be inappropriate to put myself out there before I was fully healed. I don’t believe in the whole “love another one to get over the other one” rebound lifestyle. Don’t nothin’ heal heartbreak but time; so I took my time, as much as I felt I needed.

About a year and a half later I underwent a complete restoration process. I felt better; genuinely better. I wasn’t sad and I wasn’t angry and God delivered me from the bitter spirit of resentment that was weighing heavy on my heart. And I didn’t pity my experience because it molded me into the wonderful woman I was and am on the road to becoming.

You will never be enough for the man that you aren’t for. Just because you love somebody, doesn’t mean they’re the one. Sometimes God puts people in our lives who will catapult us into the season meant to redefine who we are. And sometimes its not those people, it’s God. Case in point, when Moses confronted Pharaoh demanding that he let his people go, Pharaoh said no; not out of His own will, but in God’s. God hardened pharaoh’s heart just to show Moses, the Hebrews and the kingdom that His power was unmatched and He had total control. In essence, He did it to prove a point. He did it to say that even if the most powerful human being in your world denies you your freedom, no man and no force—both spiritually and physically, will stand in the way of my promise to deliver you.

And I learned that sometimes God calms the storm, and sometimes He lets the storm rage and calms His child. When I felt like my relationship was falling apart before my eyes, I just wanted God to make everything alright, and He didn’t. And I learned that sometimes it takes losing everything you thought you wanted just to realize the idea of having it only ever held as much power as I gave it. And I learned that sometimes you’ll fall into a place where all you have is God, just so you can realize God is all you need. It was when I hit my rock bottom that I found out that Christ was the rock at the bottom.

It was the experience that made me feel like I wasn’t enough that catapulted me into my destiny. It hurt, but it had to happen. God hardened the heart of the love of my life. And He did it to say that even if one of the most important human beings in your life denies you the love you deserve, no man and no force—both spiritually and physically, will stand in the way of my promise to perfect all that concerns you (Psalm 138:8). And even if you feel like this love is as good as it gets, you haven’t seen anything yet. And even if you think that you won’t find that again, if the wrong one felt good just imagine how the right one will feel.

I was always enough, because my God was more than enough. And in the midst of being head over heels, I lost focus of the most important relationship in my life, and after living in the clouds for a few months, God had to bring me down to earth and remind me of the only person I should be living for. I questioned who I was and what I had to offer, but the reality was God didn’t forget any ingredients in the recipe of wonderful that is Gladys Olivia Murray. We (he and I) just weren’t equally yoked, enough.

“The reality is, you could be amazing, genuine and sincere but still be overlooked. Having a good thing is so hard because meeting a strong person is so rare. So I learned to understand when people run from me, I realize my kind of love ain’t for everybody.” -Unknown

I am not one in a million, I’m once in a lifetime. And I don’t mind waiting to receive the kind of love I’ve been gifted to give. Somebody out there has it, the somebody God has already destined me to have. Don’t let the let downs of past relationships overcome your faith in God’s promises. As long as you keep shining bright and don’t let the unworthy ghosts of love past dim your light—your man will find you. You are his North Star; you just have to keep the single fire burning a little while longer. Lol But don’t settle with someone just to say you have someone. And don’t allow a man’s love to complete you, because you should already be complete. You are enough; and God is more than enough. And that is all you need.

Look up and,

Liv.


 GLADYSOLIVIA